


Atonement

by Hasegawa



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Emotional Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Lies, M/M, Prostitution, female/male switching
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-20
Updated: 2014-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-10 08:34:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/464304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hasegawa/pseuds/Hasegawa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki knew he deserved the punishment. After all, he was always blamed. But when his feelings were involved, it hurt him more than it ever was. Thorki, IronFrost. Include male!Loki and fem!Loki. Warning: mention of rape, torture.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note: My contribution to Loki-shipping. Include Thorki and IronFrost.
> 
> Warning: Mention of rape, torture and non-graphic copulating activity. UnBeta-ed. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Loki subconsciously knew that it was his fault that Midgard fell into chaos. Yes, he was the one who 'stole'—even though it was rightfully the Chitauri's—the Tesseract. He knew that they would punish him—he had, in all honesty, knew that even though he only created half of the problem, he would be blamed for everything, and hence, the punishment. And he understood that nobody would stand for him—after all, what was he, if not an abandoned baby adopted and raised half-heartedly by the Allfather, an unwanted son who threatened the perfection of the Royal family? So when he was subjected to he court in front of everybody in Asgard; degraded and spitted on and mocked on and looked down upon with no one there to talk for his behalf—and he couldn't so it himself since his mouth was kept tight with the sew and lock-he accepted it in a stride.

And he surrendered completely to his fate when they took him into the dungeon—the place where they punished all those captured villains and war captives. He was silent as they whipped, kicked, punched, used all those torture equipments and marred his body from pale to red by his own blood. He was silent. He was used to pain.

But he wasn't used to the humiliation when he was taken and defiled against his wish. It was started by one of the elder who 'visited' his cage. The old man satisfied himself in expense of Loki's pain and humiliation finishing prematurely and leaving Loki exposed and naked for all the prison guards to gawk upon his naked, bruised body.

And they started to touch, to probe, and in the end, penetrated him.

It continued for sometime, until Loki didn't know where he was or why he was still alive. All he knew was that he was a disappointment and he was punished for everything he was. His mistake, his birth, his life, his characteristics, his actions. Everything about him was wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

It was then suddenly Thor came into his cell and looked terrified. The man Loki used to call brother looked enraged and immediately covered him with his own cape. Loki wasn't sure why he deserved the cape, but he didn't do anything. He has surrendered to everything he was given and a cape was way better than a whip.

He stayed silent as Thor took him in his arms. Well, maybe because his mouth was still sewn shut together.

* * *

Loki could hear voices around him.

"…your father might wake up soon and he wouldn't be happy with this, Thor!"

"I know, but I cannot leave Loki alone like that! Sif, you have seen his injuries, his conditions, his eyes…. I cannot let my brother be like that!"

"Thor!"

"If you do not agree with my choice you are welcome to leave and pretend you have nothing to do with this. I am perfectly fine to defend my brother's honour by myself."

"Thor…"

"You too, mother! Don't you see how badly hurt Loki is now?"

"I can see it, my son. I am the one who healed most of his injuries, remember? But this is something that only Odin can decide, and we need to plan something or Odin would be very angry when he woke up. The elders are arguing outside…"

"No! I wont let them come and take my brother away! They will not come and harm Loki any longer!"

A tingle of warmth seeped into his chest. Even in his half delirious state, Loki felt himself smile.

And the thread sewn to his lips was gone.

* * *

It wasn't an easy recovery, but Loki was relief when Thor and Frigga were the only one coming and taking care of him. Frigga, his adoptive mother, was the only person in the nine realms whom Loki felt a kin of affection. Because he could sense that at least the Allmother did love him to a degree—at least she was very gentle and she kissed his forehead more often than she did Thor. She stayed by his bed side several hour per day, changing his cloth and herbs; fuelling the healing charms around him. and Loki was grateful for that. A beggar couldn't choose, and Frigga's attention felt like water in the desert.

Thor was another matter entirely. Thor was the rightful son of Odin and Frigga, the rightful prince to the throne. He was the rightful and the best son in Asgrad, the most handsome and strongest in land. Loki used to be compared to him, and of course, Loki—with all the books and magic and his preference to stay in the background and observed rather than using violence and strength to get his aim—lost. Loki was nothing compared to Thor. It made the God of Trickster bitter, especially after he knew his real identity—and abandoned unwanted son of Laufey the Jotun monster.

Yet Thor was the only one to safe him and still protected him (and called Loki brother!) after all the problems Loki brought.

So when he asked Thor why, and Thor replied—with blush and stuttering—that it was all because of love, Loki let the muscled God kissed him and had his way with him.

' _I love you_ ' Thor had said.

And Loki believed him. After all, his body has been defiled so many times (it was a wonder he hadn't had another child yet), what was another defilement counts?

* * *

It continued, whatever happened between them—the copulation, the gentle caresses, the cuddle, the smiles, the conversation, the shyness—until Odin woke up. By then, Loki was half convinced that maybe his brother was not an idiot over-muscled God. Maybe his brother did love him like he did to the Migardian woman—Lady Jane. Maybe Loki deserved the love—well, the copulation definitely enjoyable, compared to what he had in the past; and the gentleness was very welcome. The attention was something Loki found very enjoyable to bask in, because he had never gotten such full attention from anybody in his memories.

Yet, it ended when Odin woke up.

The Allfather was enraged and Thor ended up in a very volatile argument with his father. Loki stayed behind Thor, trying to hide and not to winced everytime the man he used to think as father called him names: 'need to punish', 'bad deed' and 'disappointment'. And he watched helplessly as Frigga stayed away from the argument, even though sometimes the lady Loki used to think as mother (and he still wished he could) only gave him an apologetic look from time to time.

But when on the heat of the moment, Thor admitted that he knew what has been happening to Loki inside the cell—the torture and the defilement—and let it happened, only till the point that he felt it was enough to atone whatever Loki's mistake was; and his current problem with Odin was that Loki had enough torture and defilement that everything should stop. Loki felt his eyes opened so wide it hurt. So Thor wasn't angry because he was tortured and defiled like a scarlet woman. No, Thor was angry because he thought Loki's punishment was enough in length already. And that means Thor agreed to the punishment. Thor agreed that Loki deserved to be used by so many elders and prison guards.

Thor wasn't saving him because he didn't agree to what Loki had to endure—Thor merely disagreed to the time length of such treatment.

Oh, those lies. Those ' _I love you_ 's meant nothing now. Loki just realized he had been lied at, and the irony was that he believed those lies desperately because… because he wanted to be lied upon.

Loki's chest hurt so much and retracted himself from Thor as far as possible. It was then Thor realized he had spoken out his most important secret, and he turned to watch his—brother, lover, and enemy all in one—paled and shook.

Those big doe emerald orbs started to cloud and the raw emotion struck Thor, reminding him what a grave mistake he had done.

Before anybody could say anything, Loki disappeared.

Odin groaned and ordered his guards to catch Loki, but it was futile. Loki was nowhere found in Asgard. Both Odin and Thor felt like a déjà vu—it was just like the Bridge falling scene all over again.

* * *

He awake to find himself in Midgard once again. He was unconscious from the dimension travelling he had forced himself onto. Around him was the lower end corner of Manhattan, and he was, ironically, sprawled over trash bags.

Feeling bitter, Loki didn't know what to do. He put himself together and walked around. He subconsciously discarded his clothing, one by one, until he only had one layer on top of his undergarment as he walked through the neighbourhood. He saw himself in the mirror in the display window and saw a pathetic, pale looking creature with no future. Funny when he thought he used to think he would be a king.

Feeling disgusted by himself, Loki used the last of his used-up magic and turned himself into a female version of himself.

For people always love his female self better than his real self.

* * *

Tony was looking for a catch that night when he saw Loki. No, he was wrong. This Loki look-alike was a lady. So it definitely wasn't Loki.

The lady was seated on one of the small settee by the corner of the room, with an old man lecherously feeling the silk on top of her covered thigh. The lady looked impassive and let it happened, but Tony knew it wouldn't be right for him as a hero if he didn't safe the damsel in distress from the lecherous old dragon. Thus, he strutted to the corner and smiled when he saw the two of them recognised his face.

"Good evening, my lady. Care for a drink and dance?"

The old man—which, Tony just realized, was the CEO of a minor (compared to STARK industry) metal manufacturer—protested weakly as the lady looked at Tony and back at the old man, measuring something. Which was the bigger catch, maybe, and Tony smirked when he knew he won. The lady stood up, her elegant long figure-hugging green silk gown fell nicely around her body and she nodded to Tony.

Tony found himself in the company of a silent, but clearly witty (and if he wanted to be honest, maybe even as genius as he was) high class prostitute. She was one of the most beautiful prostitute he ever seen, not the top but there was something special about her eyes and smile. It was different, and yet familiar.

They ended up going back to Tony's place and screw like rabbits—the lady sure knew how to shake her booty—and Tony felt bliss. He wasn't drinking that much that night, yet he got so much satisfaction from the sexual act. Definitely a worthy prostitute.

Pity he had a one-night-only policy (because, let's face it, there are too many women in the world and Tony have quite limited time to sleep with all of them—hence, one woman per night).

Tony was used to wake up finding different women and their antics; but that morning was one of the rare ones where he woke up to find his bed empty. He looked around and saw that his bathroom was occupied. He smirked and took the green silk thongs on the floor and kept them into his ever growing collection.

When the door opened, Tony was half surprised to see the woman was naked and confidently walking around, simultaneously drying her hair while gathering her scattered clothing. When she couldn't find her thong, she turned to Tony.

"My underwear, sir, please?"

Tony gulped and he played innocent, hiding his embarrassment of being caught behind his trademark smirk. His lips dropped when he saw the reddened eyes—the woman (whose name Tony didn't bother to remember) was crying in the bathroom.

"Are you alright?"

The woman looked surprised, but she disregarded the question and put on her bra and dresses back. Since it was evident that Tony wouldn't return her underwear, she let it slipped and walked towards the door.

Tony was surprised. Usually he needed to kick the woman he brought into his bed in the morning—but this one left him like it was a mutual fun, thank you very much and bye bye—and here Tony thought that she was a prostitute who surely would demand somekind of fee or compensation for the night.

"Wait!" He found himself calling. The woman turned, and looked impassive.

"You don't want money, or anything?" Tony, always the blunt one.

The woman tilted her head. "Why should you pay? I am, after all, the worthless one."

The answer struck Tony like never before and he was unable to stop the woman—and he still didn't know her name, damn it!—left the room and Stark Tower.

* * *

The image of 'the woman' stuck inside his head, even though he didn't want it to.

And that was why he religiously has been looking through the high class prostitute catalogue for three days. It was without Pepper' knowing, of course.

It yielded no result. Tony groaned in frustration and ended up inviting himself in most of the high class parties held on that particular week. Just to catch 'the woman' again.

In the fourth party he attended, he finally saw her again—this time she was wearing a dark green off shoulder velvet gown, hair up and bared of any accessories. It was quite a contract with all the women in the room who wore at least half-carat diamonds on each ear. She was standing at the corner, and Tony could see two drunken gentlemen surrounding her.

Again, Tony fancied himself as a prince in shining armour and saved her—only this time, she refused his invitation and instead silently endured the harassments from the drunken men.

Tony couldn't control himself anymore—he had been searching for her, and now she dismissed him like he was nothing? His ego couldn't stand it, because for once, he wasn't the one who dismissed other. So he grabbed her wrist and forced her to his place.

She was silent, but when he thrown her to the sofa, she tilted her head and spoke for the first time since Tony forced her to come to his place.

"… Are you going to defile me again?"

The question was like cold water to his face. Tony's anger and irrationality were instantly gone. He started to feel ashamed. Why?

It was at that moment the elevator door opened and revealed Steve, Bruce and Thor into the room.

"Tony, we have another mission. It seemed like Loki is missing…" Steve carried on talking to Tony, oblivious to the situation since he couldn't see the only female in the room. But Thor, he saw her, and two simultaneous things happened: Thor ran to catch the woman, and the woman tried to run away but was caught by her own high heels and fell.

Tony was a second too late. Thor already caught the woman and held her tight.

"Let me go!" The woman screamed, in such desperation which made Tony felt very protective.

"No! I won't let you go again!" Thor roared.

"Thor, she said you need to let her go." Tony slipped in, trying to diplomatically (since he couldn't win, surely, against the brute strength of the Thunder God without his suit).

"You!" Suddenly the woman looked accusingly at Tony. "You tricked me! You brought him here!"

Tony shook his head, ready to deny when Thor roared.

"No! Brother, I have been very worried!"

Brother? Tony was confused, but the next second explained everything. The woman morphed back into a male form and produced the very familiar villain, Loki.

"You…!" Tony was speechless.

"Worried? Spare me the lies, Thor." Loki spoke coldly, clearly there was no love lost between the brothers. "What? Odin wants me back to the torture chamber? The elders missed their fuck doll? What now?"

"Brother, Loki, please don't be difficult. I have tried…" Thor spoke out, clearly in pain and confused of what to say. He was not the wordsmith afterall. And he settled for what he did best: shorter sentences. "I love you. Come back with me?"

Loki opened his mouth, but in the end he spoke nothing and looked away.

"Brother, please come back. Mother and I have persuaded Father. You will return with me and have house arrest for three centuries, but there would be no more torture or … defilement. I will be personally responsible for you. Please come back before he found you here."

Steve and Bruce looked at each other, while Tony watched the scene very closely. The two Gods looked like a couple, with Thor's strong arms locking Loki's body tightly and wouldn't let go. Thor looked flushed and was pleading earnestly. Loki, on the other hand, looked dead.

"It was never my place, never my home, never my throne. I have no familial connection with you, or Frigga, or Odin. I cannot come 'home' as you said, Thor. It is not my home. My home is in Jotunheim and they hated me. I settled in Midgard and living myself as a punishment. Is that not enough for you and Odin? What more would you want? Me, to be defiled by every single soldier of Asgard? Why can't you just kill me and get it over with?"

"Loki…"

"If you really, like you said, 'love' me, then please let go of your hand." Loki hissed.

"No, you will run away if I do."

"See? Always the lie." Loki laughed, but it was hollow. It made Tony's chest fell. It was a painful laugh. "You used that 'love' to lie to me. And you call yourself a hero? And I, who never lies about 'love', who tried my best to get those 'love' from others, always ended up being blamed and disappoint Odin. And I am called the God of Lies. Oh, the irony."

Loki suddenly morphed into his female form. Thor was surprised, and Loki used it to struggle away, but Thor grabbed her firmly and force kissed her. Loki looked surprised and struggled, but her strength was nothing compared to enrage God of Thunder. Tony felt déjà vu—he had, afterall, grabbed her and forced her to return with him to his place. And when he saw the tears on her face, he couldn't stay silent. Even Steve was scowling.

"Release her at once!" The righteous Captain of America shouted. "Thor! You should never force a lady!"

Thor reluctantly released his struggling 'brother'. Loki released herself and moved back, rubbing her lips with the back of her hand, hard.

"I hate you! All of you!" She screamed, and with a flash of green light, she was gone.

* * *

Comment?


	2. Chapter 2

'I hate you' was his last word. And he ran away. Loki laughed at himself. He was definitely at the lowest point of his immortality. Could it be worse than this? And his magic was in chaos, reacted in a funny way, but not unfamiliar. Loki was in panic when he teleported—after all, running has been his preferred way to avoid problems—away from Thor's arms. Those huge arms. Ridiculously muscular, ridiculously warm, ridiculously safe…

He snorted. What was he, a masochist? He loved to be hurt, did he not? After everything and the lies he still found those arms comforting. But no, when Thor kissed him, the comfort shattered and turned his stomach into cold fear and rage—Loki realized he didn't need the love, the affection. Oh, of course he wanted them so much, but he knew he wouldn't get it. So he settled for the second best. Or anything he could get his hands on, really. What he wanted was acceptance, the warmth and safety from another who would never lie to him.

And he got it, didn't he? He got the fake feeling of comfort in the arms of those one night stands; those men who was most honest when they were buried to the hilt inside him. That was why he kept coming back—even as to lower himself and slept with one of his enemies: Anthony Stark.

Looking around the place he had turned into a temporary nest, Loki sighed. He had stayed in an abandoned factory in the outskirt of Brooklyn, and using his magic to sustain a comfortable, but simple nest with all the necessity. Sometimes he changed the room to look like his own room in the Asgardian palace, but such moments were rare and short as he always reminded himself that he wasn't worthy of those comfort and luxuries anymore—and didn't he swear to forget and leave the memories of Asgard behind? After all, his memories on Asgard were never happy.

He started to realize that he was different and was treated differently by his supposed parents when he started reading. His memory betrayed his childhood innocence by comparing the treatment of his parents towards him and Thor. Loki started to realize that no matter what he did, his parents would frown. No matter how hard he tried, he wouldn't be able to get favour from his parents. When he was sick, only Frigga would sometimes come to him and sat beside his bed; but never all the time like she did for Thor. His achievement was nothing compared to Thor's powers. His intellect was nothing compared to Thor's bravery and brazenness. He was nothing.

It hurt him so much, but he was used to such pain that he didn't realize that he was in pain. Only when he heard in Thor's own words that 'I love you's meant nothing that he was forced to admit that they were never his family; they never loved him; they never even like him.

He needed to move now. But where to? He didn't have any home to return to. Asgard was no longer his home; it never was, and it hurt Loki to admit this truth. Jotunheim was never his home as well; he was, after all, abandoned to death by his own father who didn't want him, and he did almost exterminate the whole Frost-Giant race in a desperate attempt to make the Allfather happy (and it backfired—how desperate he was to impress his adopted father, and those emotions bound him to the point he couldn't take that rejection from the Allfather). The Nine Realms were never very welcoming; after all he had brought defeat of Chitauris in the hands of puny mortals who called themselves The Avenger. The Chitauris and Thanos would be patrolling around, waiting for any chance to catch him and torture him. So that's why he decided to stay in Midgard after he found himself stranded in the place he was thinking of controlling.

And now the Avengers were looking for him as well. How… lovely. There seemed no place for him at all. Loki smiled sadly, hands rubbing his face. And it was then he realized he was crying.

Oh, he looked down on his wet hands. He was crying. His face was full of tears.

It was the first time he cursed himself for being immortal. Death and Hera never sounded more welcoming.

And to think that his deepest want so simple: just to be 'loved'. So easy.

Yet so complicated.

* * *

Tony always knew the genius he was; after all, not so many people could acclaim themselves as genius engineers and built the armour called Iron Man using the shortage of resources inside terrorist captive in Afghanistan. If there was anything man could build, Tony would be the one who provided the prototype as well as the improved versions. He was also, of course, one of the honorary member of the Avenger (or so he wanted to believe) and it was his job to save the earth from any potential dangerous creatures, such as Dr. Doom or Loki.

And those was his reasoning on why he became a hermit inside his lab and started to build something that even more impossible than Iron Man suit: a magic detector.

He continued to perform in his 'engineering high' state: the state induced by many factors such as lack of sleep, high in caffeine and alcohol, also the need to prove something. And this time, it was the need to prove that he has a heart; he was feeling guilty over how he treated the female Loki the other time.

Or maybe he just missed the voluptuous lady in green.

Clint was the one who found him after ten days holing up in the lab. The archer found the engineer almost catatonic, from hunger, lack of rest and brain malfunction. The man resembled a skeleton more than a living human; with whitish bubble on the corner of his mouth while the body staggered like a fish out of water. Tony was sent to the emergency department n S.H.I.E.L.D. straight away. After three days of full rest, he woke up and started to eat; getting nursed back to health by the ever loyal childhood friend and secretary: Miss Pepper Potts.

When he was declared as healthy enough to return to his Stark-Avenger tower, he went straight to his lab and took the final version of his machinery as well as the blue prints. He then called Thor, Captain America and Bruce for a private meeting in which he explained how the machine works and how it could help them identify where Loki was hiding.

Thor was very excited about it—and yet Tony felt a bit of anger towards the Demigod. To be honest the Demigod shared the righteousness of Captain America's calibre; but it was accompanied with pride and too much sense of self-importance. After Tony saw how Thor treated the female-Loki last time, he started to grow a mixed feeling of hate and like towards the God. Like because Tony respected the Demigod for what he was—all that brawny and power. Hate because it was clear who had given Loki the reasons to be so broken and became a super villain.

Bruce was able to understand his achievement and voiced out his awe. The praise was enough to boost Tony's ego, but it was nowhere enough to make Tony satisfied with himself. After all, he built the damn thing to find Loki and apologized. Or maybe to grab the woman and hid her inside his bedroom for all time—the protectiveness and possessiveness towards the lady was something that has been accumulated ever since Tony obsessively searched the high-class prostitute catalogue.

Captain America, on the other hand, was clueless of such machine. He just seemed to accept that the machine was something that 'runs on electricity and can detect magic usage in a ten mile radius'. Tony didn't tease the Captain this time, for time was very short and after his meltdown for five additional days under Pepper's care, they have wasted around three weeks before they could even track Loki. And in those three weeks, everything could happen.

And so Tony activated the machine—and they waited for result.

* * *

After three weeks of negative results, Tony started to doubt his own machine. He never used to have that feeling of failure—after all, he always succeeded in inventing everything, including the Dummy and JARVIS—but after weeks of obsessive search, even Thor started to give up on the machine and searched using the primitive way—walking around with his Mjolnir in his hand, like a dousing rod—and started from the First avenue to the fiftieth Avenue.

Bruce helped by using internet to search of Loki-sighting around. So far they have a few sighting, but most of it was as dependable as the UFO sighting. Captain America tried to help by accompanying Thor around the Manhattan to find Loki.

The search was not fruitful because Loki wasn't the only villain they were fighting at the moment. Dr. Doom and Amora came on the mean time, causing havoc and such, it required the Avenger's immediate attention. Yet the four of them—Tony, Thor, Bruce and Steve—continued to search in their own free time. And this had caught on the Black Widow's attention.

In the end she forced them to talk—and who could refuse to talk under her impressive interrogation tactics? When they told her that they were searching for Loki, she rejected the project and threatened to call Fury. Tony was the one who managed to stop her from doing that, by showing the footage of 'that night' (which was recorded in one of the hidden cameras in Stark-AvengerTower. Tony was a nosey person after all) to her. Surprisingly, she mellowed when she saw what happened and although she didn't promise anything, they knew her lips were sealed. Especially with Clint hating Loki's guts more than any other Avenger.

When finally something was picked up by the machine, two months and a half after it was fully activated, Tony and the others felt their hope picked up and quickly went to the said area. The area was a huge waste land, filled with mountain of trashes and small animals that liked to live in those kinds of conditions, emitting foul smell. Tony was initially sceptical that they would find Loki there, after all it was a trash dump; and Loki was a God. Or at least, Loki seemed to be clean freak, and wouldn't be able to tolerate the dirt and the smell.

But Thor hasn't given up yet. He walked around with his Mjolnir in his hand, like a dousing rod, and Steve followed behind him, climbing the mountains of trash. Suddenly Thor roared, and Tony—who was flying above, trying to get anymore signal—flew down. Bruce came five minutes after.

What they found was making them sick.

In front of them was Loki, bleeding and pale, lying on a huge dent in the mountains of trash, as if she was threw from the sky and the impact created an after-explosive hole with Loki lying helplessly in the middle. The woman was unconscious, and definitely unhealthy. Her skin was bluish, but not Avatar's nice blue—no. it was bluish grey, almost like the colour of dead fish. Her clothes were torn in many different places and oozing blood. It seemed that she broke her left hand as well, from the unnatural way it hung beside her limp body.

Thor was enraged, and he quickly scooped his brother (lover?) into his arms. They returned to the headquarters and let Bruce worked with the unconscious shape shifter.

Tony noted that Loki was still in her female form.

* * *

When Loki finally opened her eyes, Thor was the first one to grab her hand and kissed it.

"Thank Odin you are awake now."

The name made Loki flinched, but otherwise she stayed silent.

"Brother… Loki, tell me what happened? Who did this to you?"

' _You_.' Loki's eyes were as good as accusing the Demigod, but she has yet to have voice to talk. She seemed to want to snatch her hand away from Thor's hold; but since she was still weakened, she settled with looking away.

And on the other side of the bed was Tony, watching her closely. Tony could tell she must be thinking that proverb of ' _out from lion's den just to enter into crocodile's nest_ '.

"Loki." Steve, who entered the room when he heard from Bruce that Loki was awake, suddenly called. "I am glad you are awake."

To Tony's jealousy and also relief, Loki seemed to acknowledge the Captain of America. Well, at least Loki could be civil to one of them. Even if it was not him.

Loki refused to react or talk for the very first few days; only until Bruce actually checked him up again and found something abnormal inside Loki's abdomen that the God of Mischief started to talk. Bruce was casually scanning Loki's whole body—who was still weak and haven't been able to rise from the bed yet—when he found an abnormal, ball-shaped tumour-like clump in the organ between her bladder and colon—in other word, inside her womb.

Bruce wasn't sure that Loki having a womb was normal or not—after all, Loki was a man, and although he was a shape-shifter God, surely Loki's womb would be just an accessory, a dormant organ? While he was busy contemplating the actual probability of female Loki having a womb, Loki watched the screen to find that she was, once again, pregnant. She immediately knew why Banner looked like he was contemplating the meaning of life.

"Don't worry yourself too much, Doctor. I am indeed, pregnant."

Bruce stopped thinking and watched Loki as if he was a new species of rare animal. Loki felt uncomfortable with it and closed her eyes. So that was the reason why her magic was behaving erratically these few weeks. Why her magical shield which she used to hide her presence from everybody suddenly failed and the Chitauris almost captured her. Why she couldn't run away from the Chitauris as easy as he used to; why the gate of Nine Realm and Ygddrasil were harder to breach; why it was harder for her to control her overall magic.

When the news was out to Tony and the others, Thor was the very first one to run into the room-turned-clinic for Loki. The others followed, and they saw the (supposedly tearful) scene when Thor was forced kissing the injured lady, and the said lady tried her best to squirm away, to no avail.

When Thor was finally dragged back by Steve, Loki's face was full of disgust and hatred.

"Kill me now. I don't need embarrassment such as this."

"I don't think that would overcome our current problem. And we don't kill; especially a pregnant lady." Steve tried to reason, while still holding Thor firmly by his arms.

"I am on my weakest state; I cannot do anything to harm you back. This is your chance, take it or leave it." Loki hissed; her face pale but it was not helpless; it was more like a snake defending its nest.

"We can go back home, brother! I am sure mother would be very excited about this." Thor tried to reason. Loki stared unbelievingly at the God she used to call 'brother'. One of his many rapists. The God she hated so much.

"Are you truly an idiot?" Loki hissed, hiding her face in her palms. "I don't know how idiot you can be, Thor."

"Loki, I know I am guilty of what you condemned me to, but truly, Asgard can help…"

"There!" The black haired woman laughed. It was very dry, full of sarcasm. "That is the reason why you are an idiot, Thor. You think Asgard is always the answer. That your lovely Father would help me. Have you forgotten my other children? Perhaps, the horse your father enslaved throughout the war? The wolf pup he tortured and locked in the eternal isolation? The monster he threw into the deepest sea of Midgard to rot? My beautiful Hel? Don't you see, Thor, if I go to Asgard now, you are not only condemning me back to my rapists—and I know you won't mind—but you are going to kill this baby? Is that what you want?"

The room was silent, as everybody was trying to process the information. Loki, however, gave them not much chance to think.

"I might be the God of mischief; lies and destruction. But I won't wish such fate upon any child. Have you ever seen my dear Fenrir, whimpering every minute of his life because of that ward inflicting fresh wounds every time the old one closes? Have you seen how dark it was where my pitiful Jormungar's nest? You may not think of me as more than a slave; but I won't let you hurt my children. I know how to love my children, unlike you who only know how to speak of it!"

She spitted the last words like venom; full of hatred, and to be honest it was justified.

Then, she continued in whisper, "…I can stand your idiocy any longer, Thor. It hurts too much."

To the rest of Avenger, she watched their silent figures, one by one, as if calculating what she should do. "…I thank you for the treatment you gave me. But now I am fine and please tell me how much is the price I need to pay for.. for  _this_."

"The price is you need to stay." Suddenly, to everyone's surprised, Tony spoke out. "Stay here till your babe is born. We promise you an asylum. We promise you no harm. We only need some routine check ups and no experiments or anything, we promise. Heck,  _I'll_  make sure of it myself."

Loki watched him in disbelief, but fortunately Steve butted in, saving the situation.

"Tony has stated our price. We promise a safe asylum for you and your child. Would you accept?"

Loki shook her head. "You don't understand. You can't promise me an asylum—the Allfather knows everything. Especially since his beloved son is required to return to Asgard and tell him where I am now that he had gotten me again. Do you think I have a chance now that this child has taken most of my magic? I cannot hide myself from Heimndall's sight anymore. So I am asking you the  _price_ , not asylum."

"Not if he wants to risk the peaceful relationship between earth and Asgard." Tony growled. "We maybe a weaker race, but we damn hell know how to fight back. And I won't surrender you to anyone, Goddamnit! Hell, that child may even be mine!"

Loki blinked.

Interestingly, it was Thor who started to shout in anger. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SON OF STARK? YOU DEFILED MY BROTHER? HOW DARE YOU!?"

Bruce was forced to help containing Thor from jostling Tony. The billionaire didn't even flinch.

"Yeah, you heard me right. I may be the father of that babe."

Thor was ready to retaliate in anger when Loki sighed. "Thor, stop."

The God of Thunder was not satisfied with the order. "Loki, is he right?"

But he was not endowed with any answer. Loki closed his lips and refused to speak for the rest of the day.

* * *

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	3. Chapter 3

Loki was, honestly, shocked.

 

When the Iron Man, the puny human with arrogance the size of Asgard, growled and revealed the real reason why Lady Loki suddenly offered an ‘Asylum’ (what a ridiculous idea, nothing, _nothing_ , can hide from the Allfather’s eyes); Loki truly didn’t expect those words.

 

“ _Hell, that child can be mine!”_

The first thing that struck Loki was, _what_? When calculated based on probability, Tony Stark was one of the most likely candidate for the father of her bastard. But aside of the logical conclusion, Loki was shocked more because of the fact that Tony _cared_. Cared enough to make sure she was safe. To make sure that no harm came on Loki. To make sure that the baby would be safe.

 

Nobody ever truly cared that much about Loki, let alone the children s/he sired.

 

It was a rich joke, surely? The words Loki always secretly dreamed about, the protectiveness and emotions Loki wished he could have but knew s/he never had (and always fooling himself to pretend s/he actually had some of those from Thor, or his mothe..no, Lady Frigga) was uttered from the mouth of a puny human, and one of her rapist.

 

Is that the worth of his? To be pitied by her rapist? How low would that make Loki’s worth then? Even her own rapist pitied her.

 

Thor’s shoutings called Loki back from her mind and watching her brother slash rapist (s/he didn’t even know what to refer Thor as now. Brother? Loki was no longer under childish illusion that Thor actually _cared._ Rapist? Probably, but then when he actually submitted to Thor, most of the time he actually did love the man. Even though it was a pain for him to admit, he couldn’t hate Thor. He couldn’t fault Thor. Thor didn’t completely rape him. Loki was a willing participant, up until he realised for Thor, his feelings meant nothing. Thor broke his heart, completely and utterly. He also shattered his world and self worth. Lover..? Loki would eat his own child before he accepted that. No way. Lover was way more precious and sacred than what he had with Thor. Love is something pure, and Loki didn’t know what it felt like. Probation officer? Most likely. Thor was there to keep Loki in leash. Yes. Probation officer. Loki’s handler. Loki’s master. And to think Loki used to admire and even almost love this demi-God… It was just hard to think about) almost hit IronMan. And as usual, the Iron Man never knew his own limit. He had the ego as big as Midgard herself.

 

Before everything could get worse, Loki found herself called out: “Thor, stop.”

 

And then she was faced with the one question: Was Tony right?

 

She went blank. Honestly? She didn’t know. Truthfully? She wanted it to be true. She wanted at least one of her children has another father who actually care about them, and not just Loki. But s/he was the God/dess of Lies, wasn’t s/he?

 

S/he found herself dwelling inside her mind the whole afternoon. S/he couldn’t be bothered to answer the questions directed to her, or cared whatever happened around her. S/he was in her female form, and it was always easier to pretend that people won’t hurt him, at least physically, when s/he was a female. Because when Loki is Lady Loki, she was easier to use. They could fuck her around, especially with the perfect boy she has. On the other hand, little squint Loki was never a good warrior, never muscular enough, not strong enough and instead dependent on tricks and magic.

 

The fact that she was pregnant wasn’t a surprise for her that much now. She knew she was fertile, and it was bound to happen. It was the fact that now she brought forward another pitiful child into the world, brought by her womb, straight into the world of misery just because it would be born from Loki. All her children shared devastating fate, and all of them shared one similar trait: Loki is their mother.

 

Should s/he abort the baby before it came into the cruel world? Wouldn’t it be more merciful to the baby?

 

And more merciful to herself as well? Loki didn’t want to find herself weeping for her children anymore. It was more painful than the pain for herself, because s/he knew they were all crying for her help and s/he was helpless, unable to protect her own children. S/he knew s/he wouldn’t be able to take it if the child be born a monster. Nobody would love a monster child except Loki himself. And the baby… it deserved so much more than just Loki’s worthless love. But she couldn’t be selfish, that was what mothers do, to love their children.

 

…Then why his own mother never loved him? 

 

Would Loki still be able to squeeze whatever little love s/he fancied herself has for this unborn child?

 

She couldn’t decide.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey,” Bruce came into Tony’s room. “You alright?”

 

Tony raised an eyebrow. Did he? He didn’t even know it himself. One thing he knew was the scotch in his glass was untouched since three hours ago, after they found Loki’s pregnancy and the associated facts.

 

Shit, he might be a father to an Alien baby.

 

That aside, still it was not the only possibility. Loki must have had slept with so many other men, the possibility of Tony being the father was not 100%. Yet, logically, and Tony could see Loki was thinking the same thing as well, that Tony’s sperm might have high chance to contribution towards the pregnancy. Based on Bruce’s calculation, which Tony believed almost never wrong (or at least with small error margin), Loki must have gotten pregnant plus of minus a week before/after she slept with Tony.

 

And hell, Tony couldn’t deny his contribution. The lady has booty like the best model around. And her charms, moans and sensuality made Tony wished he could taste that body once more. Then he would need to slap himself. He should be ashamed with himself. Loki considered their one night stand as ‘rape’. Tony was a ‘rapist’. It was not a night of mutual fun’, it was one night of self imposed punishment for Loki.

 

The Avengers was horrified when they heard what actually happened. After Loki seemed to refuse to acknowledge any of them for the remainder of the day, the Avengers decided to leave the room to their usual team room (i.e. the living room in Tony’s area which is always well stocked with good food, alcohol and endless supply of movies or games to play). Thor still looked like he wanted to press Tony into a can of tuna, so Steve took himself as Thor’s handler, kept gripping Thor’s arm as tight as he could. Bruce took Tony’s side and pushed him towards the kitchen island and poured him a glass of water.

 

Natasha was the one who broke the tension. “So, Thor: spill.”

 

The words were super effective. Thor initially didn’t answer, but when he saw how every single person in the room watched him, he finally relented. He started with the jail term, and then Loki’s defilement. Then he explained how he couldn’t stand to see Loki to be raped anymore (but he left out the part when he thought Loki has enough punishment) and so took him under his wings. And then he glided over the part where the moment of carelessness from him which caused Loki to run away, continued to the part where he frantically asked the Avenger to help him find Loki, just to find her in Tony’s living room in her female form.

 

Natasha, however, was trained enough to see through Thor’s lies. It was no match, really. Thor was as transparent as a puppy to her.

 

And so she guided him, slowly and gently, until Thor unwittingly admitted how he felt for Loki’s punishment, and also his own parents’ reaction towards Loki’s punishment. It was further continued to tales of Loki’s childhood, in which Thor started to naturally and innocently boast about himself, how he cared about his brother. Natasha, however, became more and more disgusted.

 

It continued until a point where she suddenly shouted, “ENOUGH!” and Thor fell silent. She then turned to Tony.

 

“I never know I can feel like this, but Tony, I offer you my full support to keep Loki here.”

 

“But, Lady Romanoff!” Thor looked up, confused.

 

“No wonder Loki grew up into such a mess.” Natasha spat with disgust and anger clear on her face. “With people like you flaunting and teaching him all sort of wrong ‘love’.”

 

The Black Widow then retreated from the room, and the archer followed faithfully behind her, offering personal comfort with his steadfast position just right behind her. Steve looked pale and thinking too much, almost laughable if only the situation was not that tense. Bruce rubbed his eyes, glasses lying beside him on the sofa, looking like he was trying hard to calm himself down. And Tony, he moved to the alcohol cabinet to get comfort from alcohol.

 

Colour slowly returned from Steve’s face. He let go of Thor’s arm.

 

“Thor, I need to agree with Natasha with this. If you force Loki to go back to Asgard with you, consider yourself as my enemy.”

 

Thor looked dejected and betrayed, turned around to Bruce. Bruce didn’t say anything, he was still trying to keep his own breathing down, his yoga habit showing with the slow intake of breath. Finally Thor turned to Tony. Tony stared at Thor, feeling mixed emotions that he couldn’t explain himself, yet he knew it was hostile. Tony couldn’t stay inside the room, this close with Thor, so he walked away and hide in his room, until Bruce knocked and asked about him.

 

Tony wondered it was at that moment that probably he decided he should really keep Loki with him, safe in the StarkTower. He slowly getting angrier the more Thor talked, yet when Natasha stopped the Demi-God, Tony realised his own pattern. He never spent that much effort in anything, really, except for when he was kidnapped in Afghanistan. Even then, he was playing with his own life. But the fact that he has ignored his own life and created the most impossible thing to detect magic _just_ to _find_ _Loki_ was the indicator of how hard he has fallen. To immediately trying to get Loki to stay, to even calculate in record time regarding Loki’s pregnancy timeline and fight with Thor the Demi-God. To think that he was glad when Loki refused to be kissed by Thor. To think that for a split of second back then, he wished he was the father of Loki’s child. That was the last straw. Tony never wanted to have child. He had enough memories of bad childhood of anybody standard to want one child for himself. He wouldn’t want to bring a child into a world of what he had before. Everything pointed to the conclusion of Tony Stark has fallen so hard he couldn’t differentiate his love from protectiveness. 

 

Infatuation from lust turned into like and possibly sick love was nothing impossible for the billionaire, philanthropist, playboy, and _rapist_ Tony Stark.

 

Yes, when he remembered how Loki referred him last time… rape. For Loki, Tony wasn’t a lover or anything. For Loki, Tony was rape. And by logic, Tony’s feelings would be a burden, further scarring the already broken Loki.

 

Loki the demi-God wasn’t weak at all. Heck, he could probably break Tony’s neck in a second with his bare hands. Yet to think that he has driven Lady Loki into such expression back then made his chest filled with guilt. But he also wanted to keep Loki safe, inside the tower, to protect her. He wanted to atone his mistake.

 

It was a testament of how fucked up his feeling for Loki’s condition that he couldn’t even finish a glass of his old age scotch. As if Loki’s situation and baby by itself weren’t complicated enough.

 

“… No, Bruce. I am not alright at all.”

 

 

* * *

 

The Avenger members seemed to avoid each other for the rest of the day and good proportion of days after that. Thor refused to come out from his level, JARVIS reported. Tony was just glad that the demi-God didn’t come out from his room to disturb Loki. Steve seemed to take solo trip to the park for good proportion of the two days after that, while Bruce spent most of the time trying to coax Loki into cooperating, either to eat or to get more check up. Tony wanted to enter the room, but he couldn’t bear the proof how he had actually raped someone—and hopelessly failing into the ‘someone’ he raped. Natasha and Barton didn’t come back to the tower, seemingly busy with SHIELD business.

 

But nothing can be reached when you avoided the problem. So day three after the pregnancy result, Tony put forward the courage to face Loki. He brought with him the freshest fruit slices and the best milk, all food that was suggested by Bruce which is decidedly good for the baby.

 

He saw Lady Loki, sitting with her back on the escalated bed, watching the flowers Tony secretly supplied into the room by means of Bruce (that morning he sneaked in yellow acacia courtesy of Pepper. Pepper, blessed her, took the news in stride and since she has left Tony ages ago, tried her best to support her boss). Her expression was soft, and she slowly raised her good hand (the broken one was inside the sling, plastered and treated) to touch the flower. She then smiled to herself and patted her bump gently. It seemed to soothe her, for her face started to glow with gentleness, just the pure expression of happiness.

 

Tony felt his chest tightened.

 

Tony didn’t want to destroy Loki’s small moment of whatever it was, so he contented himself to stand outside the room, wishing to be less complicated person than he currently is.

 

Bruce found him with cold milk and the fruit platter. The scientist sighed and took the tray from Tony, then brought it inside himself. Tony wondered whether he could follow Bruce in, just when he heard Loki said,

 

“I’ll accept your offer of asylum, Doctor.”

 

    

* * *

 

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoy this update! please visit me at http://hasesosi.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> Posted on FF . net. Moving because of the witch hunt. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! TBC, I hope!


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